Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Drawing on the positive...

Can I start by saying THANKYOU to each and every one of you in your response to my last post. You have touched my heart & uplifted me beyond belief - I have been walking on air since your lovely posts, emails & conversations. Things like this bring out the wonderful side of some people (and the nasty in others) and I am so grateful to you all.

I have managed to verbalise my feelings and felt the weight of the World lift from my shoulders. I had an Oprah-esque 'lightbulb' moment - I had given away my power to another person and that was not healthy. I may not be able to control others or situations - I can only control my own response to the things that I encounter - I had been giving much too much importance to other people's actions and directly related that to my own self-worth. How could I have let that happen? It's often the case in life - but once the realisation happens, it's up to me to stop that from happening. I have to KNOW I am worth more, worth respect, an important part of the World - a child of God, no less or more important than anyone else. And once I know that deep in my soul - then nothing and no-one else can make me feel otherwise. I think, finally, after all that has happened - I have finally learnt that lesson! :0)

Onto creative endeavours - I feel at this new high point it's about time I put myself out there a bit more - Here are two sketches I've been working on for my final assignment in drawing. The first one is Darcy & the second one is my dear friend Fiona's boy Joshua who died 3 months after Darcy from HLHS as well. I just put my ipod on and drew on the feelings I had at the time - and surprisingly despite the dodgy drawing abilities - they came out with an aura of peace & tranquility which was obviously the opposite to what I was feeling at the time?! But I suppose now, 6 years down the track - I do have more joy in my heart than pain...I can think of those days & feel the keen intense grief, but it's not the overwhelming feeling... I mainly just feel joy & lucky that I have a son like him, waiting for me, when it's my time :0)


Kylie said...

Oh leah - they are lovely. I am glad that you are feeling a little better about everything that is going on at the moment and sounds as though you are on the up. I don't have to tell you that time heals all wounds - you know that time is endless and some wounds should never completly heal over. What beautiful photos of two presious boys in Gods hands.

Natalie said...

So happy to hear that you are feeling a bit better. Writing things down really does help, as does the support from others. Your drawings are very special, you are very talented.